


Daffodils and Hyacinths

by rabbit_in_a_lizard_mask



Series: Yellow Roses, Purple Violets [7]
Category: Natepat (ship), Natepat - Fandom, Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, But also, I made him microwave a pizza, I'm Sorry, So much angst, Turnabout is Fair Play, pigeondreams made me sad, poor boy, so obviously i wrote more angst to make them sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbit_in_a_lizard_mask/pseuds/rabbit_in_a_lizard_mask
Summary: Matt didn't really think about what would happen after she left.He'd assumed he'd have the normal breakup feelings, like screaming and crying and getting too drunk too quickly, breaking the pictures and staring at his wedding ring for what seems like hours before deciding to keep it (but not wear it, never wear it again, he doesn't deserve to wear the symbol of the union he destroyed, didn't deserve her in the first place) but he wasn't ready for this.(It is solid angst, there is no happy ending. It's just a one-shot of Matt suffering)





	Daffodils and Hyacinths

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Remembering Why You're in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18825304) by [PigeonDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigeonDreams/pseuds/PigeonDreams). 



> So I went really pretentious and the flowers are yellow and purple (because PigeonDreams told me to) and the daffodils mean "New beginnings," "Hope," and "Chivalry," while the hyacinths are purple, and mean "Sorrow for a wrong committed"
> 
> Edit given all the shit currently happening with Fanfic Pocket etc:  
> AO3 DOES NOT HAVE AN OFFICIAL APP. THE WEBSITE IS MOBILE-FRIENDLY.
> 
> **IF YOU ARE READING THIS THROUGH AN APP, _ESPECIALLY_ IF YOU'RE BEING CHARGED, THE PEOPLE RUNNING THE APP _ARE SCAMMING YOU._  
>  I DID NOT POST THIS TO AN APP. ******

Matt didn't really think about what would happen after she left.

He'd assumed he'd have the normal breakup feelings, like screaming and crying and getting too drunk too quickly, breaking the pictures and staring at his wedding ring for what seems like hours before deciding to keep it (but not wear it, never wear it again, he doesn't deserve to wear the symbol of the union he destroyed, didn't deserve her in the first place) but he wasn't ready for this.  
He feels nothing.  
He feels nothing in the same way that he can't feel his fingers because he's been holding a frozen pizza for far too long, lost in thought.  
He feels nothing, and that hurts. He feels the lack of feeling, the gaping hole where something should be, that Steph used to fill for him, that he chose Nate for and fucked up because Nate is amazing and so calm and steady for when he freaks out, talking to him down the phone because he can't support him in person no matter what unearthly hour he broke and made the call.  
But he's not Steph.  
It's unfair to expect him to be Steph, Matt _knows_ that, knows that all that'll do is hurt them both, but his heart still breaks a little more every time he forgets and makes one of their inside jokes and Nate doesn't complete it.

Matt puts the pizza in the microwave and presses the Dinner Plate setting, its light reflecting in his eyes.

He can't love Nate the way Nate deserves, doesn't the way he treated Steph show that? He loved her and broke her heart (and his own, but that's not important, _He's_ not important, he deserves everything he's feeling right now for how he betrayed her.) He's too messed up for Nate but selfishly keeps him even though he should let him go to find someone better.

He takes the pizza out of the microwave. It's cold in places but he doesn't have the energy to put it back in so he takes it anyway, moving down to the table.

Steph isn't in the next room over, humming to herself, typing on the keyboard, the sounds of her existence a constant reassurance in the back of his mind ( _good,_ he doesn't deserve that reassurance, he never did, he hurt her in the worst way and she deserves so much better than him, he should have kept his promise to be true) because his life revolved around her in a hundred tiny ways and now she's gone and it's his fault, he should have stayed with her, but he loves Nate too and can't reconcile the two loves in his heart, the two fires burning him up and leaving him cold.

He stops staring at the pizza and takes a bite.  
It tastes like ash.


End file.
